hmm. I don’t even rank anymore on google for the name Barchas, and I own Barchas.com for pete’s sake. There was a day way back when, where I used to be the only Barchas that came up in searches online, since I was a bleeding edge technoweeny. Then eventually some medical journals and publications went online, and Dr. Jack Barchas, who is a couple forks away on the family tree and I don’t know anything about, started appearing. Now, Barchas.com doesn’t even seem to show up for a dozen pages in google?!? (alas it is actually my fault for some ‘aggressive’ SEO in the past…) So now at least Ashley is picking up the Barchas torch on google and moving up the list. Time do some SEO on myself though so I can reclaim my rightful place. Though that WikiPedia reference for Jack is gonna be a tough one to beat…

Because of my dopey move yesterday trying to sterilize bottles but making plastic goo, I got the Philips Avent Express Microwave Sterilizer which was 25 bucks. It holds 6 complete bottles at a time and sterilizes them in 2-6 minutes, depending on the power of your microwave.

Ooops. Obviously your supposed to keep the assorted baby feeding devices clean, and just washing them with a little soapy water apparently isn’t enough from what I have read You are supposed to sterilize everything each time, at least until they are a few months old. One easy way is to just boil the bottles and such. The problem is that it takes a lot of water and energy time to do it that way, so I started trying to figure out another way.

Steam is the answer of course, since you need far less water and far less time. Sure, you could get a steamer, but why? I got a big pot, and a strainer that lifts everything off the bottom. Sure why not? So I put an inch of water in the bottom of the big pot we have been using to boil the stuff, dropped in the strainer, and then filled it up with the bottles and such. Put on the lid, turn on the heat, walk away…

So walking away is a bad idea. I forgot about the stupid pot. The water boiled away. The pot started getting hotter and hotter. I noticed a weird metallic plastic burning smell in the house. Started looking around to figure out where it was coming from. Ahhhh, ooooooops! So the picture is actually what stayed in the strainer. One bottle melted completely through and bonded to the bottom of the pot. Welp, so that was about 40 bucks in bottles flushed down the toilet. So I ran out to get some new bottles, and since our pots and pans were on their last leg anyway, I got a new set and tossed all the old stuff. Ahhhh, it’s nice to start over. I also decided to get an Avent microwave sterilizer since it seems quicker and easier; put some bottles in dump in 6oz of water, pop in the micro for 4 minutes, all clean and sterile, done.

Look, I know i’m a bit over weight, but my boobies are not that big… Apparently, men do have all the parts required, including the hormones of Prolactin and Oxytocin, which are produced by the pituitary gland. The problem is that men don’t release the prolactin ever, or at least in a large enough quantity to stimulate milk production. However, there are apparently times when men have lactated, in particular when taking thorazine, and lactation is listed as a side effect of Digoxin. Obviously it would be of great help to have 2 parents that can feed a baby, but alas, it doesn’t work like that.

Via Neatorama

Seriously. I don’t get it. Ashley is one gassy baby and farts quite a lot. Even though they are normal little baby farts we giggle almost every single time. But the real laughs start when she lets loose a real butt-belter. Just now Ashley farted, in her room, and I thought the baby monitor was going to freaking explode. It was so loud, the dog jumped, the monitor crackled under the strain, she woke herself up, and I started laughing so hard I cried.

It either is that baby farts actually ARE funny, or new parents just become punchdrunktired and find it funny. We also congratulate her for burping?!?! GOOD GIRL!! You Burped! YEay! What the hell is wrong with us? I think we have gone mental… Sleep deprivation must be making us dumber, but some of the things we are doing are weird. We don’t praise her or find it funny when she spits up…

on the right side are some links to the recent video uploaded of Ashley.

Ashley doesn’t stink yet, except for obviously the occasional poopy diaper. However, one day I am sure she will start stinking. My first reaction was that this is the stupidest thing I have ever seen. As Americans we have the worst body image and are so hyper self conscious about ourselves that you would think it is horrible to start the pattern of self-hate so early. Is it good for a parent to think their child stinks so badly that they need to use cologne? No, but, babies eventually do stink, and in situations where a bath may not be possible. If you are out and about for a whole day, and your baby has a particularly stinky episode, the cologne might come in handy. Give your baby a quick clean up, then diffuse the less than stellar odor with a better one.

I still don’t think that this is a great idea, but apparently its been around for many many years in many other countries. Surprisingly America is one of the last? Considering that America is quite un-baby-friendly in general in public places, you would think this would have been on the market long ago. The marketing pitch would be, “Do you feel embarrassed because your baby is crying in public? Don’t feel more embarrassment because of an oder as well. Make your baby smell like a rose with Baby Cologne!” Silly ‘merkins.

product page: JOHNSON’S Baby Cologne

Babies have gas, and unfortunately there seems to not be much you can do about it generally. There are some drugs you can give, like infant Mylicon, but I think most people are less than thrilled about giving their baby more drugs than are absolutely necessarily. Because Ashley is one farty little baby, and is obviously causing her a lot of discomfort, a friend suggested bending her legs up to her chest in a pumping motion. This surprisingly works really well, pumping her legs from straight “plank” to touching the toes to the head (or close, since you don’t want to risk injury of course), and repeat that motion over and over. This results in pump, pfffft, pump, pffft, pump, pffffffffffffffffffffft.

The problem is that you need to do this constantly. um, no. I have better things to do with my day than pump my baby’s farts out. So I have come up with an invention. Pictured above is the Automatic Baby Folding Fart Ender. This invention will save parents from losing it due to colic and gas. It is a board which is hinged that you strap the baby down to. It then uses a pneumatic pump to fold the baby in half over and over again. The baby will be very happy. Toot Toot!

*disclaimer - this is a joke, please don’t put your baby into a contraption that folds your baby in half…

Mom and I just wanted to thank everyone for the comments they have left in assorted posts. We appreciate it.

On to the incredibly interesting subject of diapers… The fact is that diapers are not perfect, and as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure they are intentionally making them less useful and effective. It would make sense to reduce the effectiveness of a disposable product, since it will cause more false disposals, and as such, increasing sales of the product.